here's some light

My mom taught me that if I got say mcdonald's and take the food home to bring enough for everyone there so no one is left out. It's not polite to eat infront of others. She calls me everyday to see how I am doing. Also when people keep making excuses such as money or keep placing other people over you they aren't good people. Even the bible tells me to treat others how you would like to be treated. She also says don't let them break your stuff. She also tells me to improve myself by doing the right things in life to help me succeed. Like go-to school get a job. To clean my house she even comes up once I while and helps with a few things. I also do that for her and sometimes I get stressed out because it's too much for one person to do. She goes to movies with me and fishing. She is the only person in my life besides my son who hates everything it's very hard to get him out the house to do anything at all. I get mad because she doesn't tell at him to improve himself the way she does me. He's at the age where he should be doing his own thing, but he's headed for downfall and this has been going on too long. I try to tell him he needs to find his own path in life I'm not sure when he will. He gets me so upset sometimes, but he's old enough so I can improve myself and leave him behind now to do his own thing. I do feel like I failed him but like I said he needs to make his own way. Speaking of that I have to walk into my own shoes and find my own way in life to improve it and myself. I am a great person I might not have anyone to prove it but I do have alot to show. I love reading writing listening to music watching movies going to parks beaches events etc. I have hobbies interests and other things. I'm always down with experiencing something new. Opening my mind to well I guess everything and anything. Maybe not I dunno it all depends on what or where it is. I am funny and fun even when I'm not trying to be I guess I get that from my dad. I could use some balance in my life I do realize I don't have that but that requires resources or the right connection. I just try to fix every problem that arrives in my life as it occurs. If I can then it's done if it's requires help I find it. Life is what you make it and I'm going to continue to make it look beautiful. I'll blind out all the darkness. 

empty nothing

Blank as the nothing roates around and around again. Why you making me so stone cold? I can hear myself breathing. Not sure what's the point. I wish I could dream and remember what happened. I need something to protect me from the lost time. Life is just wasting away. Is everyday another game I'm loosing my mind. Knocked out passed out I can't seem to wake up.