forever remaining broken

There's something wrong with me.  Not unique I'm not special I am only apart of nothing. All I can feel everyday is my tears pain and the punching of myself. How long will I not be saved? I've tired churches, therapy, etc in the past none proven to be successful. When I try to be honest and alert with what is real all I do is end up broken. I try to express what I'm going through but no one is truly listening or understanding or giving a shit about it. Why won't you fix me? What's wrong with me and why won't it ever change? Why does it always remain the same? Why won't you show me what's it's like to actually care, make a memory, communication, friendship, love, work. Why do all I ever feel is denial? How come I can't be honest about this and have someone pick up my broken pieces? Will this last forever? Will I ever stop? What's wrong with me? 

again...

What if your life was a song played on replay of just that one-day where u can make a shared memory and then the rest of it was just listening to the reply of what was yesterday but than that picture has fade the memories aren't becoming clear no more because you can't see humanity for what it is no more and you sit back and forth complaicating suicide but you can't even go there because now matter how many marks you make it just doesn't sufficate then the clouds cracked and the thunder made a loud sound but it wasn't until that flash of light showed you how truly broken you really are even when the demons have won you can't even join them in hell you was meant to just keep breathing for tomorrow but why what the point?