interference

Its like something always goes wrong whether it's the communication or the game play. I'm forever stuck in a glitch. No matter how much time I spend trying it's not good enough. I'll never be good enough always fusteriated. I feel like I've just wasted time. Why must I always be a failure at everything? I can't even sleep at night. No sense of accomplishment. How am I supposed to fix this? Try n try again but it doesn't fix the problem. Still end up a waste of time. Everything is out of reach. Try to rest in pieces. 

sunday

I cleaned out the deep fryer it was a mess. The sunshine was out today so I cleaned the pool swam then cooked some hamburger and hotdog on the grill. Lighting came out to her playpen. Not sure what else to do in this solitude. Everyday is a struggle but I keep living it. I guess back to gaming. 

another sad day

Been sitting here without any communication again. I don't have anyone to listen to talk or speak with I'm not even sure how to change this. Zero allies friends associates. It's just endless silence when will it ever end. I've been suffering from this too long. I always feel left out. I'll never be good enough for this. Will it always just be me talking to a piece of paper forever? I'm stuck in the text again asking what's wrong with me? I'm depressed what is friendship? Just the dream I always had. What is family just the other dream I had that I couldn't make happen in real life. Stuck here with the never ending silence. Wonder if I should call a sudice hotline and ask if I just can find someone with a voice or a story to tell me. I feel lost and alone without a purpose or direction in life. I have tried praying for change. Still it seems like nothing will and I'm not even sure how to. Everyday I cry and I don't want to I'm normally okay when people are around but mostly I just sit here in silence or listen to tv or music that doesn't seem to help much. It's temporary just like everything else in life. The only thing that seems peramint is the solidutude. So empty and hallow here it hurts. 

evil is here

I tried praying got no answer. It's silent all day everyday. So I started crying everyday again. I can't stop the tears from falling. I still hit myself from time to time. I'm so sick of the silence. I tried to read the Bible but I still couldn't find anyone to save me. How will I get outta here please help me I'm still stuck. 

nice day

Finally feeling good skin back to normal. I went outside and weed wacked jumped into the pool. Ate some watermelon 🍉. Got alittle 🌞 on my skin. Now back to tv and gaming. 

why won't you save me?

I fear all I know is pain and suffering no one will help me. That is why I lust, envy, and dream about the teamwork the stars get. They help each other from road to set to stage. Here I am at home just upset because no one helps me with anything. I'm very sick today but I still have to work around the house because I don't like dirty floors. I'm tired of the cats getting hair everywheres. I wish I could get rid of one of them. I wish I had help someone to say it's ok your not feeling good today I'll do it for you. Or someone to provide me something to make me better. Why can't I get a savior? But still all I have is this damn text and tears.