pointless life

yeah i said it there's no point to my life. every second, minute, hour, day, and year I'm located at the same place doing the same exact thing. hello text I know you're sick of hearing me saying i'm depressed what's wrong with me? but I don't see anyone else talking so I continue to do this. sometimes i think i died and im just able only things a ghost can do which  is only allowed to visit where it was when it was alive. Guess what my plans are for today and the next day and next year not a damn thing. I see myself rot away with either me typing this over and over again or writing it in ink. I'm bored not much to say or do now.

dear god

please show me what to do in order to break free from this never ending changes. How do you start anew?

misery

what being sad means to me everyday waking up with no purpose in life. Not having anyone to talk to just endless silence. Having zero talent at anything at all. Unable to change anything. Not being able to answer this question: Name one life changing event in your life? not having any experience in many things in life people take for granted. Why won't I change because it's too hard has no help. Same reason I choose not to work for money too stressful too many to take everything away from me. Where do I expect to go no place and nowhere. I'm a horrible parent. I have no friends. what can i say that's good about me? I'm a good person because i keep myself locked inside so others can abuse or hurt me? is that what i'm good at? I'm bored all I wanna do is sleep. I have no passion to do anything. I'm sick of yelling at my kid for eating too much or being dirty. I'm tired of cleaning. I don't want to do anything anymore. I'm sick of putting clothes away I hardly even change mines. I figure what's the point I'm not going anyplace no one sees me, but yet I'm the one who has to fold them and put them away. I complain about getting fat but all i do is sit here and eat. I'm bored i dunno what else to say. Thinking back I wrote these same words over and over again years before and guess what its still the same thing no changes. Maybe I am just a miserable person who just can't ever find anything happy to write about. okay so maybe I could think of one good saturday thing I could say but it only happens every so often not how I feel everyday. So where is my savior?

rage

Angry why because he ate almost a whole big big bag of nuts then he said the fuck work then locked himself in his room. Then why I go crazy I upset and miserable and hate my life. I thought back to what me and my kid do together and I'm always miserable and yelling about something why can't act 13 instead of an 2 year old. The only thing I trust him with is my make my life a living hell. The only shared memories with him are us arguing me yelling and crying. I can't think of one time where we actually got along and did anything. Maybe I'm upset because I've been stuck in this apartment too long alone? Well even if I was he doesn't make it any better. All I see him as is a fat pig thats a slob very dirty. I just feel trapped and miserable. He won't even treat me right. I dont care I'm just sit here and talk to myself. I want to die I try to put my hands around my throat but then after i feel that tight pull where it starts to hurt i stop i don't fully keep going. I hit myself in the face with my fist too sometimes.

careless

 I'm not feeling good I'm sad I've been feeling like this for over 20 years. Why am I here whats my purpose?
 who should I be? where should I go? This is the end because nothing ever changes for me. I never get an answer or any response it's like talking to god you'll never get an answer from the invisible never there people. All i know is I'm alone I'll always be alone and nothing will ever change. I'll never find happiness with anyone and I'll never go to work. I haven't been for over 13 years what makes you think I ever will? I can answer that well it all depends on your connections in life and thats what I always lacking. Hows your brother hows your sister or your best friend? I wouldn't know I have no experience with any of this have you ever traveled outside the state? Nope no family vacations ever take place with me. I wish I was born into a different life like a disney family. I see big open windows at home with loving family who help each other and travel and they are very supportive with each other. Here's something no one knows about me when people are around me im okay when they aren't I have a hard time getting out of bed. I don't go anywhere or do anything but sit here and feel sad day after day. If I had anyone around me I wouldn't ever say this they would never know. What is wrong with me was I not made for honesty respect and friendship?