all I know is crying

Ryan promised on Saturday he help me with putting up the pool now he's saying I have to wait until Tuesday. Now I get to sit here and cry about how no matter what I do in life I'm unsupported. I just wanted to have the pool up for me to have activity and excerise, but he doesn't see the point of a pool because he says, why you worried about having a pool no one is going to use it. Just like zero people who ring your doorbell. I know I'll be the only one out there using it cleaning doing everything all by myself like I always do and it's not just with the pool it's everything & anytime. It's always been this way it won't ever change. It doesn't matter where I go it what I do in life it's just the same no matter what it is. It's been like this for far too long. I'm breaking down. I don't need a therapy to tell me that I don't have a supportive system for these types of things or dreams I want to achieve. Well I just have to learn to live with rejection and sit here and stare at the emptiness and never ending silence. Maybe I should become an overweight lazy never get out of bed person like him. I'll never be truly happy like this. I am very depressed. It's like matter what I do it's never good enough. 

God please help me

There's something wrong with me again so yesterday I started breaking out again. I got this red rash under my breast and little tiny pimples. I'm also broken out on my inner thigh. This is why I hate having family around because everytime someone comes near me I get sick again. Last time I was sick when Debbie came over I had hives. Plus I can't find my driver's license why isn't it in my wallet. I'm sick of this shit I'd rather be alone in silence then have to be missing stuff and sick all the time. I'm sick of how people treat me. God why won't you help me?