misery

Maybe I deserve all the pain and suffering and viruses in my life because of the sin that was bestowed upon me. I choose to kill life along time ago because I didn't want to be a single parent with two kids. Now when I think of it if I only knew I'd end up this way later I wouldn't have. I don't even think God will save me not sure if there is one. All I ever do is complain and cry when will I have freedom from this hell? It's silent everyday and my wounds never heal. The scars forever remain. No matter how hard I try to change I just keep falling away from the light into the darkness. 

home

This home has only become silence and infection. I don't wanna stay here no more. Something has to change. I really don't have no point in waking up everyday there's nothing out there for me. Everyday I get more closer to the grave. It hurts so much I didn't want this as my future but this is what I got. 

what's worth

Is it because I'm alone invisible and worthless? Is it because I didn't buy the right type of security? Is it not because of this but because everyone in this environment doesn't give a shit and doesn't wanna research it. My head hurts and I'm feel like the longer I stay here the worse it will get. But where am I to go? I need to find a place that can heal me. All the same places give me the same answers. Where can I go to be evaluated by a new place?