loosing hope

Everyday is a struggle I can only feel pain and when the tears roll down my face I feel this overwhelming pain that wont go away. I look back to the memories of when you went outside with me to build a snowman or just roll around in the snow and I can't find you there it was just me alone. You decided to sit in the house and get fat I hated you for it. This hate just grew and grew just like your waist like exploded. I miss rolling around in the snow with my cousins they always played hard. god help me i miss the days when i used to have trash bags and plastic lids that everyone would laugh at me when it broke. How am I ever going to create new memories when I live with a non active kid who always says NO to everything. I wanna go over my cousins so badly because I know they will be throwing snowballs they will be rolling around in the snow having fun together. well I'm done this is why I cry.