another sad day

Been sitting here without any communication again. I don't have anyone to listen to talk or speak with I'm not even sure how to change this. Zero allies friends associates. It's just endless silence when will it ever end. I've been suffering from this too long. I always feel left out. I'll never be good enough for this. Will it always just be me talking to a piece of paper forever? I'm stuck in the text again asking what's wrong with me? I'm depressed what is friendship? Just the dream I always had. What is family just the other dream I had that I couldn't make happen in real life. Stuck here with the never ending silence. Wonder if I should call a sudice hotline and ask if I just can find someone with a voice or a story to tell me. I feel lost and alone without a purpose or direction in life. I have tried praying for change. Still it seems like nothing will and I'm not even sure how to. Everyday I cry and I don't want to I'm normally okay when people are around but mostly I just sit here in silence or listen to tv or music that doesn't seem to help much. It's temporary just like everything else in life. The only thing that seems peramint is the solidutude. So empty and hallow here it hurts.