illusions

Everything about you just leads to an illusion it's a fantasy that breaks my heart because I know when I awake to reality again. I suffer endless in silence. You made me so (emo) emotionally unstable. As I listened and felt you there but not really exist your just an illusion and now the tears roll down my face again. What if I never become real? Will I just create a fantasy world and go mentally insane? I imaged you here using your hands to wipe my tears, but then I remembered I probably wouldn't have a reason to cry anymore. I don't wanna feel anything anymore let me just live in this illusion where we are nysc and I can feel the pulse in your chest. Just remember to breathe. I wish I could see you there in your equinox. I'm bearly holding on anymore. In my illusion I meet with you in the outside without anyone around. You would have time for me and just me as I do you. An experience I haven't been able to describe. Let's walk a trail let me knock on that door. I feel damaged because the only way ever experience any of this is in an illusion in reality I haven't been able to do anything even close to you. I wish my reality would end because I'm sick of all this suffering. In my fantasy I'm not a virgin to all this stuff that everyone knows how to do but me. What's your favorite meal, tv show, hobbies, etc.? Whats your likes and dislikes? What your address? Where can I find you? Can we have a cookout together? My reality is bent and broken and it's so hard to keep breathing when I'm unable to do anything I'm still stuck living in this illusion.