no choices given

Why even continue to breathe its a struggle to still alive I try to keep myself healthy active etc but theres only those evil forces around let not giving me an chance to live I dont get to choice anything im always forced to do whatever. My kid makes all my fish in the oven without asking knowing that we are running out of food I refuse to buy him anything hes lazy wont even make or eat I wish he fucking die I hate him. When it runsout he'll just have to starve im done with this shit. My family always hurts me doesnt let me be myself or make my own choices. Just take take take from me. How can he be so dirty by choice and not have the sickness I have? He chooses to be overweight and dirty and yet he doesnt have the skin swores I have its not fair I wish anyone else had this not me I didnt choose this. Also im so sick of this house I want out but I wont im always waiting to heal and all I do is wait it never gets better. Why wont you just kill me because im tired of the suffering.