misery

Maybe I deserve all the pain and suffering and viruses in my life because of the sin that was bestowed upon me. I choose to kill life along time ago because I didn't want to be a single parent with two kids. Now when I think of it if I only knew I'd end up this way later I wouldn't have. I don't even think God will save me not sure if there is one. All I ever do is complain and cry when will I have freedom from this hell? It's silent everyday and my wounds never heal. The scars forever remain. No matter how hard I try to change I just keep falling away from the light into the darkness.