all I know is crying

Ryan promised on Saturday he help me with putting up the pool now he's saying I have to wait until Tuesday. Now I get to sit here and cry about how no matter what I do in life I'm unsupported. I just wanted to have the pool up for me to have activity and excerise, but he doesn't see the point of a pool because he says, why you worried about having a pool no one is going to use it. Just like zero people who ring your doorbell. I know I'll be the only one out there using it cleaning doing everything all by myself like I always do and it's not just with the pool it's everything & anytime. It's always been this way it won't ever change. It doesn't matter where I go it what I do in life it's just the same no matter what it is. It's been like this for far too long. I'm breaking down. I don't need a therapy to tell me that I don't have a supportive system for these types of things or dreams I want to achieve. Well I just have to learn to live with rejection and sit here and stare at the emptiness and never ending silence. Maybe I should become an overweight lazy never get out of bed person like him. I'll never be truly happy like this. I am very depressed. It's like matter what I do it's never good enough.