is it the end?

Well, if it's the end of the world I guess I'm ready because I'm sick of sitting here in silence. What is life anyways? I'm so tired if the samething happening at the same place over and over again. It's an endless cycle always on repeat. What am I supposed to do now? Everytime I try to play a game it becomes a waiting game I just sit here and wait for a fireteam. As I sit here and waste my life away I thought no about it and how it relates to all things in life. Life is a waiting game. Sure I could find something else to do but the same problem will exist. I could time into tv or radio to try to disguise the suffering but then what it will still end up being the same cycle on repeat. So thank you to all the people who are there to make life worthwhile. I don't even know what to say no more I can't say hello I can't even start the game. I'm just sitting here at the starting line kicked before I even get a chance to try. I'd rather try and fail then to not be able try at all. What is in my next life is there a better place? Show me the light how it feels to be happy and not feel pain. Why is it that it's easier to abotain pain but so hard to find happiness? Why are humans so complicated? What if I run out of time before I find a friend? My whole life I wrote page after page asking for a dream and the dream was to have friends. Still here in real life or virtual reality I still can't find them. I cried I'm depressed over and over every second turned into hours into days years etc. It's all on repeat. Here I am texting to myself over and over again. I'm not living the best life I wanted to live. This isn't the words I wanted to write. What is communication? What is teamwork? What is making memoriable moments? Will I ever make it past the starting line? Will this life ever end and a new beginning begin? Will the tears ever change over the years? When will the waiting end? Or will I just keep repeating the same shit over and over again?