headaches

I can't do this anymore Everytime I talk to a friend who says all the stuff I want to hear but yet I know they are all lies because if any of that was true I would be living that type of life and not just dreaming it. It hurts too much to think about it. I've avoided it and lived alone with my truth all my life. I know it won't change so I need to live without thinking seeing believing acting. Plus you lied you've had the experience I haven't had. oneday you will move on and I'll still be here with my solidutude it will hurt but I'll be okay because I never had anything to begin with. Why so I feel like my head is pounding and someone ripped out part of my brain. Am I loosing myself my mind my memories. Yes and no not like you shared any of those things with me. But still I am missing something. I'm supposed to wait forever until all those things happen in realife, but you know what scares me I won't ever be apart of it. Which makes me wonder what always put me to a halt. What always stops me? Or maybe it's because I'm waiting for something....