june 2021

Would I be normal if I didn't realease tears every single day of my life? My life experience of a realtionship with friendships and a soulmate is zero always has been. Am I locked inside a pen and paper or this damn textbox forever? Even the devil has allies and a family. I've been waiting to goto heaven to meet my heavenly father, but still no luck. Will I forever be the woman who talks to herself and just writes her life away? I wanted to share with the world photos and memories made but I still never figured out how. My life experience consists of me saying what's wrong with me everyday. I live in the nothing the empty this place is all I've ever known. I just wish I knew why I'm like this? I could go outside in the public but it still won't anything. It doesn't matter where I go or what I do I still end up with the same messages. It doesn't matter how much time has pastby it's still remains the same. I could find a job or go-to school or whatever but I'd still be unhappy and cry everyday even when I did those things. All these things are tempary because after whatever connects us people together they still go home. And I still wonder why am I here? And I never like being at home at all. They say home is where the heart is then I have no heart. When I see other people living their lives telling their stories they filled with friends love and family. When I look at myself I can't see any of those things only anger. I see me typing this this is all I've ever had year after year. Then I look at other people and see how they grew but I'm still just frozen in time. I've only made small changes. Am I even alive? I mean what is this shit? Is my camera my only friend family ally? Is my textbox the only thing I'll ever know? What is wrong with me? What is controlling this making me like this and why? I still feel worthless. Will I forever just be lost in right here and now? Will this be the only feeling I've ever felt or mental picture I've ever taken? It seems like it. What is wrong with me? Why am I insane for always waiting for life to begin. Am I supposed to be begging something? I can't even think straight did I spell that right? Begin beg in beg into what? Okay now I'm just gone off the rails again. I can't even think straight. It's always so silent here. I met a new friend outside a brown and white bunny has been visiting me lately. I don't think it like carrots though my indoor rabbit lighting loves those things. Maybe this is the only form of communication I'm get in life. Too bad I couldn't learn to speak animal. I guess I'll do that now.