others not me

Other people have many things they do during the days that past by people they connect with they work school and family with. As for me I never have that no one to confide in to talk to to support to hug me when I'm feeling down. I still cry every single day. Always waiting.... I don't understand what's wrong with me. When I go home I do this and this with them and this. Everyone has a story you fill in the blanks. When I go home I cry and wonder why am I still here and why can't I change? I'd go back to church but wait haven't I said all this years and years before. I'd go to therapy but it costs money I'm not trying to pay and then see no progress lack of service. Maybe I should just eat myself to death since it's the only thing concrete in my life. Maybe I'm just better off being the slave unpaid homemaker do all the hard labor at home while sitting on the playstation staring at myself and no one even watches me. Half the time I can't even get people to play the damn game with me. There's something wrong with me my head hurts. There I go again I've been saying this since the 1990s. Hello text again my only thing I've ever known. I'm that frozen time capsule unable to find my own way. All that remains is me stuck on an endless loop of everything will always remain the same.