what does it matter

Why should I even care? I mean once the money ends in September I should have a job by then but still what's the point of making money when it comes and goes and it's never there forever. Even if I never get over my fear of not being good enough or meeting requirements. Why should I even care the world is dying anyhow. Plus I live a loveless life. I'm so sick of being the head of the household why can't I just find a rich man to do that for me and let me find myself? Plus I never seem to change anyhow. I'm not even sure how to feel self worth so how can I make others make me feel worthy? I don't really have no purpose in life.  Never going to fit in with society if I haven't before what makes you think it'll change now? Plus with or without money I'm still unhappy anyhow with my fake smiles. Ive always lived in fear and I will continue to do so just because this is what god gave me. I'll let god choose my destiny I'm not even going to try anymore because I know if I do I'll end up doing the same thinking and seeking process I've been on my whole life and it won't change anything besides my mental state will become very very depressed and sad. So I'm going back to not caring about anything but whatever happens to me in life is my answer. I'll continue being me and doing whatever I'm going to do alone because I don't need anymore stress.