August 22, 2023

Everyday I think about how am I going to fix this? How am I going to fix myself? Why can't I answer these questions? I live in a world of denial. I didn't get dream guy. I didn't land the dream job. There's no stability in my life. How do I know where to go next in life? I'm not sure where to go or what to do or what to do next. How can I make a better tomorrow? I feel like a reject. Now I'm thinking what if I go back to school, but then now I'm having thoughts about how it's similar to home. Everyone my age is older already in a career and marriage life. I feel like the child left behind. Even if I go back to school I'll be surrounded by kids people younger than I am. I'm just left with that feeling of denial no acceptance. Where can I go to join a club or some kind of place where I can fit into people of my age? What's my age again? Great now I'm thinking of blink 182. If there's a god out there help me find your plan. People always say God has a plan. So where is my plan? Where can I place a place of belonging. Where can I find like minded people to surround myself? What am I searching for? I want no I need happiness. In order to have happiness I need a group of like minded people around my age to collaborate with. I also need that career that will enable all my dreams to come true. I'm left with the feeling that none of it is available to me. How can I fix this? Where can I go? What can I do? What is the first step I should take to find my way to you? I feel so damaged so broken beyond repair. I don't wanna be stuck in repair forever. Please show me the way. Help me outshine the darkness I've been living in for so long. All my hopes and dreams are now shattered. Which I never really got to talk about. Why did you destroy me? I feel like I am loosing hope for a future. It was over before it even began. Not only do I suffer from broken heart, but my future my lifestyle my livihood has been compromised. Am I doomed to stay this way forever? Please give me a sign. How can I fix this? I just wanna feel worthy and valued. I wanna work on making myself a better person, but how can I when I can't find a sense of belonging? So I ask again and again how can I fix this? What do I need to do? Where do I need to go to make my life better? I'm so tired of being broken. I need a better pathway. Where can I go from here? I'm so tired of wasting my timeline away for nothing ever after. It hurts so much.  What is it that I need to do to fix this how can I make it better?