broken the broken that I am

Now I go see the stars live a beautiful life while I just die inside. Speaking of that I do have a shirt that says I'm dead inside. The whole time I decided to stay clear of Vince. I just did what I normally do and watch the shows. I kinda wanted to suffer or maybe I wanted him to suffer. He never did approach me. He did notice I was there when he got on stage. At the end I went over to him and I'm glad I did it felt so nice in his arms. Maybe I really did need a hug. He even called me love. Ok this is driving me crazy. His breath smelled really terrible, yet I still wanted to climb inside his mouth. Why is his stinky mouth in my face what is wrong with me? Stop doing that your making me insane in the back of my mind. See that's why I wanted to keep my distance he drives me crazy. He said soon he'll start writing a new album. I still feel stuck in the fanzone. Everytime I touch him I'm so warm and happy but then I go home sad. Which is the same reason why I wore my sad summer shirt. I didn't really to get speak to him at all. I wish I could have held him in my arms longer, but that's all he ever is with me small increments measures of time that just fade away into existence. I miss him already but I know my place I am nothing to him. Now I cry again. Well at least I have these photos. I didn't stick around after I just left. I didn't wanna leave but I know my place. Plus I'm never invited to anything. Plus I'd rather be with him outside of the concert. It seems like a dream that will never come true. I'm just a doomsday loser. A loner and that will never change. Remember I never change. I am the broken the unloved and unsupported Christina and I'll always remain this way. It's just me, myself, and I. I'm done with wishful thinking. I'm done with hopes and dreams. I'm just done with it all. I'll just indulge with my Nothing ever after. Forever just talking to myself again and again.