Who am i?

  Who am i? well if you ask lets see, I'm the quiet one who hides how I truly feel about anything from everyone. I guess that makes me human I have emotions. I am broken always saying there's something wrong with me. I cry everyday alone in my room. I could give you more then 13 reasons why, but I'm only listing a few. I ask myself why I don't succed at life why I dont have friends, job, and a husband who's fault is that? Why do I live in silence because I was never on the list there was never a plan for me I still just continue to wait for life to begin. I just sit back watch other people live their lives how they all are younger then me and get choosen to get jobs in the things im supposed to be doing but im always not on the list or at the end of the line. I feel like I haven't grown into my own age. Its never my time noone will support or guide me in the right direction. Soon my time will expire and it wont be my own hands. This is not a suicide letter. This is how I truly feel about what I see occuring im my life for real social inequality. I always feel like the bug im the system because my social circle just isnt there. I feel like my status never changes throughout the years, but my role always changes. I see myself as the pleaser always just tell everyone "i guess" or "yes" to everything even if I'm not happy with it. I envy theather life because I always see people connected working together as teams accomplishing tasks all the things I don't get at home. It's very hard for me to get help to do chores or fix things at home I have to do it all by myself it stresses me out. I feel like being an individual in life is nothing but stress, but if I could just be in a family I would received helping hands less stress and save alot of time for me this is only a dream. I always wondered what it would be like to have a shopping buddy or have a friend to braid my hair. I might of been angry because I felt I wasnt learning what im supposed to but maybe its not my time maybe i have to be patient and something better will be planned for me later. All i know is I have to believe in hope and stop getting mad about what im not learning. I also found that I need to keep writing and thinking and speak out my concerns to the apporite person and not to run scared turn into the dark and cry about it overcome my fears even if they make me angry or cry. I've also found if I don't get the right reaction that it might be a rejection because of the persons mood or soceity doesnt have the resources for change so I must have a clear mind to find the correct answers for the path ahead. I also need to learn be more thankful and grateful for things in life because I'm realizing I suffered so many years of abuse from family life at home and the system it's not an easy task but I do want that. I want to be a better person. Change is needed more smiles, hugs, acts and words of kindness is what is required. Now I just need to figure how how to fix my health physically I'm still struggling it seems like all my doctors care about is getting paid, but not fixing the issues I'm now facing.