I need to be saved

Dear God please save me I'm in so much pain I'm scared that things won't ever get better and I'll break over the edge and hurt myself. Help me please. I can't live like this no more please change this. Make me healthy and end the silence. It seems to only get worse over time. I thought with time things are supposed to get better but it's the opposite. But then again I can't even say I have sudicidal thoughts because I wouldn't want my life insurance to not pay my son if something did happen to me. They don't pay if you off yourself. I'm just so mad. I wish I could destory others. I wish other people could understand or feel my pain.