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Pain follows me everywhere I go from first grade at school I failed. I was told I wasn't smart enough. It happened again and again as I got older. No one ever wanted to be friends with me just beat me up and make me feel so small. They laughed at me called me names. I used to create an invisible box around me. Constantly biting my nails sucking my thumb, but later I stopped. Don't feel sorry for me I've hated that everyone always told me they are sorry. I used to feel like the sorriest person in the whole world. As I grew older I changed and grew into an bitter evil person they gave me a shell. Then I snapped out of that then became something else. Always throwing me with the damaged and broken until I became one of them. Now I ask God for help but am I even desivering? I can't even spell is this the right word? I don't even care no more. I can't even stand up for myself. I'm such a loser. I'm always begging for everything and crying all the time that never makes anything better. I wish I was stronger I wish I could plot and plan to change things to my advantage. But I'm scared I don't know how I never know anything. So I faced myself and looked into what I want others to see I tried to fix me but I failed again. I tried to make a better image of myself but deep inside it never worked. I'm sick of awaiting your acceptance. I'm becoming someone else I don't know what yet but hopefully it'll be me. I used to think I was the problem because too many people outnumbered me. I might just stand alone here but I don't feel the hate you inflicted on me when your not there to make me feel like shit. I like it much better. No one can judge me now but me. I can do better without but not really though I believe I can have done better with. Even still I'm unsure of myself and I don't know what's wrong with me and I'm just done for now...