what if...

I spend my whole life in my bedroom never leaving. I'll never meet you. What if I never experience anything at all because I'm too scared to try? What if I'm too ugly. What if I not good enough. What if I stop saying this and I say it's okay I am okay. What if I wake up and leave this place and still wonder around alone in silence and u still can't find you. What if I don't have to keep searching will you ever find me? What if I die today would that change anything maybe I'll meet you in my afterlife. If so maybe I'm tired of this life and I don't wanna live no more. What if you never save me and I just become dark. What if God doesn't have a plan for me What if the devil doesn't care. What if I lost my way would you help me find me my way back. What if I forever remain broken. Then I guess I'll just leave these entries behind in limbo unread unheard but they will still remain after I'm gone.