February 25, 2023

As soon as I park my car I got a text saying are you here? Yep, I replied. Then for some reason I went inside and was seated. Vince yells my name really loud Christina what are you doing?, Come on! I felt like an idiot. I follow him downstairs where's there's a room with a large TV screen a table in the middle and some chairs. There was about 3 vips. I felt sad that there wasn't more he deserves more. Should I even count that other band member? Okay this is weird. I sat down and watched the band had austic guitars just like he said. He was planning to do this with his vip with the announcement on Facebook. At first he wasn't facing me or anyone and his band said you should turn around what are you afraid? (In my mind) Right he should know better then that didn't they train you to never have your back to an audience?? Of course they do. He turns around and starts singing his heart out. I'm just sitting there nervous with the happiest smile on my face, but later knowing what I know about this type of business that feeling fades into the fourth wall stare plus a mixture of eyes shutting which breaks my heart because I'm still daydreaming. Then I start to stare off into everything else and everyone else. Then my mind wonders to I wish it was just the two of us in this room. Anyhow, I didn't take any pictures or record anything at all. I just wanted to live in that moment and feel something. Maybe I should have though because I wanted to keep it forever, but I didn't ask for permission so I didn't do it. Well I can say he definitely aced the planning and setup of a vip experience it was beautiful. There was one problem though, because that austic guitar Imran had wasn't properly stringed. They performed three songs lost, other side, and bloodline. I didn't even notice that the drummer was missing. I must be a mess how could I have not noticed something like that wow my head was just someplace else I guess. Now the band has what is called the original drummer whatever his name is I'm really not paying attention again. Okay, so old dummer in newer drummer out and Imran is leaving the band after this tour. All I know is if Vince leaves the band I'm be really angry. I'm not even sure if he even writes what he sings after hearing him talk bout not knowing literature. I'm so confused now so who is it that wrote the songs? Ok I'm lusting/loving over a ghost now maybe? This is a disaster. I hope this band doesn't fall apart how will I ever see him again I wonder, but I keep quiet. Most of the night I just talked to other bands asking what instruments they play and where they are from. Lots of answers are locally. That's awesome because I always feel like everything is so far away. I've done a lot of dancing or whatever you wanna call it. I was getting excited makes me feel happy. Some guy gave me a Tshirt Gabe Woodrow. Reminds of a country singer you'd see perform at a carnival type venue. The crowd was very fun not dangerous. I also met vinces cousin I didn't know he had other family touring with him. He says he part of a dungeon and dragons wish I knew more about this stuff, but of course I can't seem to align. Maybe because the sky was so dark and gloomy that night. I ended up just saying well you could try writing comics. What am I saying why can't I formulate the right words? I'm not great at putting commas in the right places either, but I do love a poet. Also, I talked breify to a guy who said he's a bookie which I said that sounds very interesting and then he rans away from me. Wow, I'm just having all kinds of communication problems tonight. I guess it's because I'm always on the outside and all I have are textbooks on these things which makes me burn up inside. I'm always terrible at communicating maybe because I can't separate public from private? Or maybe something is wrong with me? Just like while watching the band play there was times when I turned off my phone's camera because I heard some audio errors. There was also this really bad vocal point Vince had kinda made me laugh and then I'm like doing some weird hand signals I guess he couldn't tell he probably wasn't paying attention, but like I said I'm on the outside. I can still notice all the errors in the audio and stuff. Later after getting envious of Vince talking to every girl there besides me. I decided to go talk to that versus me guy he went on an on about how he liked a place but couldn't list the name of it. Anyhow, he said, "The LEDs on their arms wasn't really any meaning to them they just look cool and they are similar to the music video". I told him I'd have to watch that I haven't already. Earlier Vince said that he liked my hair color and there's all this space and he runs away again. Okay, okay I get it stay away from you. I only know this because I know what body language is. I understand what the artist is doing, but still it's driving me nuts. Then I'm outside talking to some people and they are talking about fears. One girl says she's afraid of deep underwater. Another lady says dead rats because her cats keep killing them. And of course I say something really scary, "well once I took a bucket and hammer and killed a mouse so it stop getting in my chicken food". They probably thought I'm insane. It was really scary though right? LOL. I wonder if they fear me after what I said. Earlier this girl greeted me she had some makeup in her hands later I seen her she had a dog very friendly. I petted the dog he seemed to be nice, but as soon as I stopped. The dog started crying. I ended up asking the dog what's wrong why you crying as if the dog can answer me. That was strange. I'm assuming it's not her dog. I guess I just pick up on things like this not really knowing what's going on.