all this....

All these broken souls they don't know my heart. Timing is never what the soul desires. Don't let drown. I'm going round in circles. Can you change me from the monster you made me. Nobody cares if I'm dead or alive. I'm on the edge of a knife. My demons are real. I'm so blinded. Are you just as broken as me? While you improved your quality of life. I still remain here with the broken beating and the abursied. Still searching for a better way out. How can I make my out from the problematic people in my life? I'm praying for what seems like a miracle. My soul needs to be surrounded by the beautiful wise and successful people. What does it take to throw away all the toxic thoughts. A happy person who can share a dream made into reality. Open your eyes open your heart to the power of a better lifestyle. I still continue to push on to make everyday brighter but I feel at lost because I haven't found anyone to share the light with. Teach me how to be loved. Am I worth it do I deserve it? That's the experience feeling that I wish I could endure. It's simple for everyone else but me I feel so emotionless. Why is so easy to feel pain but so hard to obtain happiness? Tell me what I need to do to fix this? How much longer will it take? how long do I have to keeping praying for a better tomorrow? I want to meet a stranger until your not. Break down these walls. Show me I have nothing to fear. I'm looking for a lifeline that seems like a lifetime. Is there anybody out there who feels the same? I wanna create a better story. A new adventure, a better outlook in life, and a new beginning. I know I'm meant to feel special, but I can't do it alone. Oh god please bless me. I need to know there there are endless possibilities. Will you be the fuel to my fire? Help me find you. I wanna know what's going on inside that head of yours. Do you believe in magic? Your my wavelength in my sound byte. What's your fantasy? Give me the strength I need to proceed.  It's a war I'm not winning. How will find the the help I need? Tell me how am I supposed to look at myself I'm the mirror without the feeling of wanting to die? Why won't you save me? I know it's not okay I know I'm not okay. It's like what do I have to live for now? How will I keep continuing to live this way? I know it will only get worse with time it never gets better. I know I'll never fully heal but why do I have to suffer alone? It's like I have to find someone who is blind or worst off more than I am. I can't even obtain that. I just wish this heavy burdien would end. I want to feel beautiful and worthy. Why must I always feel so sad? This isn't the story I had in mind. I wanted so much more but that's not happening. I've never had anyone close to me just when I was standing in a crowd and hearing the same suffering I'm experiencing made me feel like I'm not the only one. Now I don't feel nothing at all anymore just the islocation. Just more and more absence in my life. I can try to pretend I'm okay and cover up everything everyday but it always remains it never goes away. Too bad for me the virus in me wasn't human because then I'd know it would always be there for me forever. Would you be my virus? If I can't accept having to live like this how in hell would anyone else? Because I know it's wrong it's not right. I don't hate myself I hate what I can't control. I will continue to pray but I'm loosing my faith. I've actually been praying for heaven. I just want this nightmare to end. It's like no matter what I try to do to make this better it only continues to get worse. Why does it have to be so hard? Why is it so hard to feel okay but so easy to feel pain? How will I ever be happy? I'm so tired of pretending. I would make one hell of an actress with how I pretend I'm okay when I'm not. I just wish I could fall to sleep and never wake up again. It would be so much easier. God please save me. I lived in hell on earth so please help me find heaven. Where's the light to cast out these shadows? Show me how to feel good. Help me feel better. Show me what I'm missing make me apart of greatness. Put me in the right direction. Help me please end my suffering. Please take this curse away and let me be free to start anew. Let me rise above this and find beauty. Help me excel to a new experience a better quality of life. Give me the hope I need to make it through this storm.